Thought for the Week

Our local paper has a 'Thought for the Week' column on the second page. I occasionally read it to enjoy the unbearably crass messages that appear there. This issue comes with a story about God and barbers. You may have heard it, but if not, here it is. I cribbed this version from the net, but it's pretty much what they had in the local rag.

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber, 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens, is people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

Fuck me. I'm convinced; I don't know about you... Oh no, hang on... I'm not.

Firstly, the above situation never ever happened. Even if we assume that the customer did manage to run into a knight of the road in the manner described, and even if we assume that the customer did manage to construct an inadequately thought about line of philosophical attack, things clearly couldn't work as depicted above. In reality, what would happen is that the customer would come back into shop and give his 'Barbers don't exist' line. Then, the barber would look at him like he was a bit lacking and eject the man from his shop before he caused a scene in front of the other customers.

Moreover, no decent writer would read that parable back and think to themselves, 'Yes, I think I've constructed a clever and convincing tale, with a logical consistency and strength of argument that cannot be denied.'

Instead, any reader is immediately irritated by the attempt to try and imply that the same burden of proof is required for an ordinary bloke who cuts your hair once every six weeks and who can provably be found where he claims to be and will actually demonstrate his claimed skills and an omnipotent, omnipresent and loving creator who allows George Bush to exist and only reveals himself to those who don't bother questioning badly constructed 'Thought for the Day' pieces.

I'm just glad I've not set foot in a barber's shop for over a decade. It seems their clientele are wankers.